someone get that fucking seahorse.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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