shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
