I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
