you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
