he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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