my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
