Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
