I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize