I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
