why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
