lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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