all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
