We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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