Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
