I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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