I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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