just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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