I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
