I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
