once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm bleeding and have questions
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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