It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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