Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
