NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I supernannyed him into submission
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
