So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize