remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
