I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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