I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize