Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
