there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
