final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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