I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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