you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
