I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
