How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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