When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
