3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
