FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
