I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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