By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
