If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
