doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
