Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
