there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
