I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
