Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
