Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize