first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
