What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
