Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
