Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
