he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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