I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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