the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
