We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
