i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
