So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
