new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
