Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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