Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
