You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
