I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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