I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Alive.
So much puke
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
